I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
