ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
