Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
