You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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