i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
