Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
