You can't special order awesome
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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