i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
