You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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