I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize