i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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