And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
