Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
