The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
