I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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