my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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