just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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