True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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