He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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