His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize