We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
