Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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