I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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