drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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