hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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