so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
