Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
