Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
