the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
