Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm like, not good at living.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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