So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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