i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
