Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
