so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
