he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
