i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
