If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
