dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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