New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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