I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
