A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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