she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
