Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
