mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
