The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
