you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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