Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
