don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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