Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
