I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
