6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
