When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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