She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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