omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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