So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
