he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
