meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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