So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
