Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
