haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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