I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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