Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
whose parrot is this?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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