there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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