That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
