I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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