i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
