At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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