She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
