We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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